Worst Salesman Of All Time, Babe

I believe I have admitted my resume is a little Administrative Assistant heavy, yes? Yes. I spent many a year accidentally answering the phone at home they wrong way.

"Thank you for calling Davis and Williams. How may I help you?"

"Um... Bethany? You're at home, right?"

Right.

Anywho. I answered me a lot-o-phones.

When I was in college, there was this gym that called the office every day. I don't know how we got on that calling list, but EVERY DAY these people called. If you can tell you called an office, and not a person, you should just hang up, right? They were very persistent, these gym phone callers.

After hearing the spiel for the umpteenth day in a row, they start wearing me down. I mean, a free week at a gym! No strings attached! Get fit in time for summer! Say yes to a healthy future! And it's really, really FREE!

So I go.

I meet Dude. Dude was my age and muchmuchmuch smaller than me.

Dude said, "Hey, Babe, nice to meet you."

Me (To Self): (Oh no he didn't.)

Dude's boss, Meathead, gives me the once over and glares at Dude. "Do NOT waste another application. It's the last one." He says this while I AM SITTING RIGHT THERE!

Dude looked all teeny tiny and embarrassed and ready to prove himself.

For the next half hour, I get a membership guilt trip before I even got a tour. I had only seen three square feet of the entire place, and based on Dude and Meathead, I wasn't jumping to be part of the scene.

"So, Babe, tell me why you are interested in joining a gym."

Me: (Because you called me every day for a month.) Out loud: "Because I want be healthy."

Dude: "Is that ALL?"

Thinking to self: (He actually wants to hear me say I'm fat!)

For the next five minutes we go round and round about why I REALLY want to join his gym. Why is he arguing with me again?

Me: (Sigh. Fine.) "It would be nice to lose a few pounds."

Dude: (Visibly relieved that I finally said the right answer.) "THERE we go Babe. That's what I'm talking about."

Me: (Glowering.)

Dude: "So, Babe, let's do this thing! Let's sign away your life for a million dollar membership."

Me: (Still wanting to see the place... do they have treadmills even? But thinking it's not worth more arguing.) "No thanks."

Dude: Babe, come on, Babe. I know you want to join. You said yourself you wanted to lose a ton of weight."

Me: (Oh no he DIDN'T.) "No thank you."

Dude: Why are you here? Did you just want (starting to yell) to get SOMETHING FOR FREE?

Me: (Isn't that exactly what you said on the phone? Get something for free? Who did he think he was talking to?)

I got my free week, but that day was my first and last day.

And Dude? He didn't have to waste an application on me. I'm sure he was thankful that I let him keep it. Babe.