Welcome to the neighborhood. Here are cookies. I have a blog. Whoa, is that a hot tub you are putting in?
Two days later:
Have I not made it clear in the blog that this is the only kind of music I can't listen to? Whadda ya mean, you don't read my blog? You know what happens to people who don't read the blog, don't you? They get written about in the blog. Turn that racket DOWN!
And also, take that rebel flag off the back of your Harley. It pisses me off. Did you WATCH Biker Boyz? What do you mean, I’m the only one who watched Biker Boyz? Uh, hello? Kid Rock and Lisa Bonet IN THE SAME MOVIE?
And also, take that rebel flag off the back of your Harley. It pisses me off. Did you WATCH Biker Boyz? What do you mean, I’m the only one who watched Biker Boyz? Uh, hello? Kid Rock and Lisa Bonet IN THE SAME MOVIE?
"Who is Lisa Bonet?" What do you do with your free time?
You're getting me off the subject. For real. Take that flag off. Turn it down. Go watch Biker Boyz. Why do you look like a serial killer?
You're getting me off the subject. For real. Take that flag off. Turn it down. Go watch Biker Boyz. Why do you look like a serial killer?
Three Weeks Later:
Why are you throwing toys back in my yard? Do you see how many kids live in this neighborhood? How do you know they're our toys? Ok, well, they MIGHT be our toys, but our yard is full. There is a reason we moved them over to your yard.
Look. I'm sorry. I apologize.
This is not why I came over. I came over to remind you that I brought cookies once. Look! Today it's brownies.
Two hours later:
Seriously, sorry about that. Also, can I borrow your hot tub? I want to borrow it for a while. Like an hour. Maybe two. While I'm over here, enjoying this hot tub, could you please turn IT DOWN!
Our neighbors probably wish we wouldn't walk around without pants. Our house is hot, so once the kids go to bed, layers are minimized. That's what happens when you're cheap and don't want to air condition your house below 82 degrees: You lose your modesty. And your pants. Hi, neighbors!
ReplyDeleteDear Fairy Godmother,
ReplyDeletePlease buy Rachel some curtains. Also some pants. kthanksbye.
Argh. This hits a nerve.
ReplyDeleteMy good neighbors-across-the-front-fence here in the country have a knack for getting hold of the loudest animals available. I haven't figured out if they do it on purpose to annoy the rest of us or if they're just unlucky. Their dogs bark at every breath of wind. Their horse seems to be in a state of either perpetual lovesickness or territorial rage toward the horses in the next pasture, and scream-whinnies at them at all hours.
Now they have acquired a goat. Okay, we have a goat also, and I know what goats are supposed to sound like, and indeed do sound like, on the premises of everybody else in the world. Not this goat. It sounds exactly like the voice of a human--to be precise, a teenager of indeterminate sex (lower-range girl or boy whose voice hasn't finished changing)--standing in their back yard saying, "Baaah. Baaah. Baaah. Baaah. Baaah. Baaah." It never, ever, ever stops.
Do you have any extra toys I can throw over the fence at it? Preferably very heavy ones.
Your neighbors ACTUALLY act like that? Oh well, at least yours weren't busted for having a meth lab.
ReplyDeleteWe live in a bad neighborhood lol.
I have a neighbor who left a ride-on lawnmower in the exact center of his yard for over a year. He even mowed around it, with his push-mower. That one's still a mystery to me.
ReplyDeleteM - ha! Goats may be worse than cows. I don't have any heavy toys, sorry. They have to be light enough to, "accidently" blow over to a neighbor's yard in the wind.
ReplyDeleteMattie & Erin - I think you guys win!