Be Afraid

Somebody I hardly know once told me I was scared: I wrote scared, I lived scared, I was afraid.

And I was all:


Sigh.

But he was right.

And nearly everyone I have ever loved has told me this.

So fine.

It is time to confess.

I'm scared.

I am afraid of every little thing.

I am afraid of people.

I am afraid of the thoughts in my head, because the heart is desperately wicked, and follow your heart are two ideas I have yet to reconcile.

I am afraid of animals.

I am afraid of getting fat. I'm more afraid of being thin.

I am afraid of succeeding, because WHAT IF IT'S NOT ENOUGH, but I'm more afraid to fail.

I am afraid to go to school. I'm afraid of working full-time. I'm doing both this summer, and I've spent two days in full-blown panic mode.

I am afraid of everything, and I want to run away. Hide.

Running, it seems, turned out to be the perfect sport for me.

Not Me

I have been feeling very un-me lately?


Have you ever felt that way?

drifty, sleepy, grumpy, happy, alone-y, cuddly, angry, busy, lazy, yell-y, TV-y, hide-and-seek-y.

"Be who God meant you to be, and you will set the world on fire." - St. Catherine of Siena

I Ate The Weekend

This weekend, New Orleans happened.

We went to Jazz Fest. Words will not do the experience justice. I'm going to make lists.

Also, I spelled everything incorrectly. Sorry. I'm depressed I'm not there, and I'm too sad and lazy to look these things up.

Bands:
The Strokes
Arcade Fire
Wilco
Lucinda Williams
Cyndi Lauper
Trombone Shorty
Stanton Moore Trio
Mystikal
The Original Pinettes Brass Band
Better Than Ezra (oh, high school)
Galactic
Franklin Avenue Baptist Gospel Chior
and I lost count.

So so so amazing.

Food:
I had not a single bad meal the entire time. Everything. EVERYTHING. was. good.
Oyster loaf at Casamento's, shrimp po' boy, beans and rice, Boudin balls, gumbo, African food I can't pronounce or spell, plantains, beignets and cafe au lait. I ate the entire time. You'd think this would be difficult with all of the walking and dancing, but I found a way.

Life:
Seeing the Katrina tattoo still on houses.
Walking and sleeping in the Garden District! So Pretty!
Seeing the house where Peyton and Eli Manning grew up. (I'm not gonna tell tales and name names, but a picture was taken and I have a sneaking suspicion this is why we were walking around the Garden District to begin with.)
Getting stuck behind a broken down streetcar and walking ALL the way home.
Leaving the car in one place for five days and just LIVING New Orleans.
Did I mention the food?
Everyone we met was so friendly and nice.
Getting to the city early and seeing it without the tourists.
Realizing that there was no longer an oufit and/or clothing ensemble that would surprise. Maybe naked. Maybe that would be surprising. Maybe.
Street cars.
Walking.
Driving through Tuscaloosa, Alabama and Trenton, Georgia: tornado war zones. Really, how is anyone still alive?
Driving.
Riding.
Staring out the window and daydreaming.

It says a lot about me that the one picture that turned out was a picture of food.

If you need a place to go, you should go to NOLA. Maybe I'll see you there.

too busy to function

hi.

miss you.

registered for classes! (sorta. you know how it is. i tried. maybe next week it'll "take." oh, paperwork.)

dream come true.

i have a BIG week in music. giddy.

i have finals to grade.

i have grades to add and divide.

we had tornadoes.

it was scary.

i dislike mother's day.

i'll be back soonish.

i hope you're happy.

i hope you're well.